Be A Good Friend

Hello Friends!

In my thirties, I learned that listening really transforms friendships. In my youth, I was a talker and attention seeker. I wanted to be the main character, but was forced into the role of supporting cast many times in friendships. This chip I wore on my shoulder did not serve me for making long lasting and meaningful friendships. The thing that truly moved me into making deeper connections was…listening.

Listening is a true super power. To be heard and understood without judgement is such a great feeling. Acceptance is everything. C.S Lewis said “’Friendship’ is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself.’” To be heard and understood is to be no longer alone in the world What a powerful connection! Throughout my education and career, I have reviewed active listening skills many times. I was surprised (or not surprised) to learn the last person I had a relationship with had never heard of active listening skills.

Here they are:

·        Make & maintain eye contact

·        Give undivided attention (stop looking at your phone or the tv or whatever)

·        Acknowledge what the person says and repeat what they said

·        Ask curious, non-judgmental questions “how did that feel? What do you think about that?”

·        Nod along as they are talking

·        Manage your body language and pay attention to their body language. Open body language can be turning your shoulders and hips to actually face the person’s body. Don’t close your arms by crossing them or putting them in your pockets. Keep your hands open to hold their thoughts.

·        Seek understanding. Don’t offer advice or share a story that relates to that story. Just try to process what the other person is saying.

My best friends are incredible listeners and often heal me just by hearing my troubles. I try to listen to them as well and create moments of “you too” and understanding. Allowing lots of space for listening has opened up my introverted friends who reveal such formative experiences and universal truths.

This month, practice listening to your friends and look for small moments of transformation in your relationship.

The besties getting deep over wine and charcuterie in July of 2022.