Networking for Non-Slimeballs

Everyone recommends networking. Networking is the key to success! How did you get to a high level? Networking! But how do you do it? What is networking?

Networking, in our patriarchal, white-guy dominated, frat-bro culture, can feel gross. I am getting to know someone because I want to use them to advance myself. That does not feel good or authentic. I don’t want to use people! I just want to grow and be successful. How do I network without feeling slimy?

Here are some strategies I use while networking:

1.      Ask Questions

2.      Find something in common

3.      Do favors

4.      Ask for Help

5.      Recognize others

Number one: Ask Questions. People love to talk about themselves. Be a good listener. Ask follow up questions. React to what they are telling you. Resist the urge to share your own story that is related, and let the other person fully inhabit the spotlight. Offer positive feedback only…you just met someone and you have not built a relationship yet. You cannot offer advice or give them another way to look at the situation. Tell him/her/them which parts of their story you agree with, you see where they did the right thing, and recognize their role in what they are telling you. Sometimes I ask too many questions, or my curiosity is too probing. When a person makes a strange facial expression or reacts awkwardly to one of my questions, I like to clarify why I asked the question.

Number two: Find something in common. Preferably something positive. Everyone loves their pets, children, etc. You can also go to other common topics like exercise, grocery shopping, hobbies, etc. Don’t be afraid to bond over work topics that are innocuous like your favorite copier, you both like to come in early, how many trips you take to the water fountain, always wearing khakis on Thursdays, getting a Starbies every afternoon, etc. When you find something in common, hit it hard. Fully relish in what you like about running, how your cat is the cutest cat, why your children won’t eat meat, and how much you spend on scrapbooking. Bring it up when you see them again…did you go to the scrapbooking conference? Does your cat have any new outfits? Did you run a 5K and hit your time? Have you tried vegan chicken nuggets? Etc.

Number three: ask for help.  People love to help other people! It makes them feel good about their work, and it is an opportunity to recognize their level of expertise and appreciate their time.  This should be a simple request for advice on a work project, examples: How would you present this information? How would you try to solve this? Who do you think I should involve in this? Have you seen this issue before? Don’t go crazy. One question is enough. Don’t schedule weekly hour-long advice sessions, and don’t ask them for something that takes a lot of time or energy. Thank her/him/them for their perspective.

Number four: Do someone a favor. This is my best networking tip. Be on the lookout for favors you can do for people. Offer to train them, help them with a project, or anything else they need. I had a colleague once who had to make a presentation about their work, but they struggled with our financial software. One evening after work, I spend a couple hours pulling reports for them that would help them. This took my time and did not benefit me in any way, but I was happy to help! My colleague was extremely grateful, and she became a close, trusted friend.

Number five: Recognize Others. When you work with someone, recognize them! Talk about them in meetings and tell others that they do a great job. Go on their LinkedIn page and write a recommendation. Buy people coffee, buy people a candy bar, get them a card and write them a note about what you appreciate about them. Leave them a voicemail about how great it is to work with them. Love people and show your affection.

I would love to hear if you try any of these at work! Please comment below your own networking experiences!

At a Networking Event I helped a colleague plan for my company in 2023. Gorgeous venue.