Therapy

"We would never tell someone with a broken leg that they should stop wallowing and get it together. We don’t consider taking medication for an ear infection something to be ashamed of. We shouldn’t treat mental health conditions any differently.” — Michelle Obama

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” — Albert Camus

You may think of personal development as goal setting, reading books, losing weight, getting promoted at work, etc. For me, and I suspect for others, one cannot focus on goals without good mental health care that includes therapy. 

For example, in my own life, many of my goals are tied to my emotions. We humans believe we are reasonable and rational, but many of our daily decisions disregard our highest best goals. I make many decisions out of habit and many decisions in reaction to emotions. Most notably, eating. I have goals to eat clean, lose weight, and get fit. I am also a binge eater. I eat in response to all emotions. Feeling good? Celebrate! Eat Oreos! Feeling bad? Comfort myself with a bag of chips. I found a therapist specializing in binge eating as a trauma response. She helped me discover that I have extreme anxiety due to thousands of small traumas that formed me as a child. With her help, medicine, and other self-care practices I am able to lose weight. Before therapy, I would eat clean, exercise twice a day, and then eat 10 tacos at night in order to calm down and avoid a panic attack. When I was thin in my younger years, I had disordered eating. I would starve myself as long as possible in order to lose weight. I had no energy, would get dizzy, sweat, and faint. Also, I couldn't really connect with other people. All my friendships from that time were very shallow and strange. 

I spend emotionally too. Before therapy I constantly spent more than I made. I was so unhappy internally that I needed the dopamine shot of ordering something online and getting a package in the mail. Also, I received a message during a formative time that I was bad with money and a screw up. I internalized that message and repeated it constantly. 

The past haunts us. Our brains were designed to relive it as a way to correct and avoid repeating mistakes. However, this wiring keeps us from moving forward. Often the traumas of the past hold us back from seeing or believing in a better path. Our negative self-talk steals joy from the present moment and hope from the future. How can we rise when our mind is not right? 

My therapist recommends that you look for someone with a background in Marriage and Family Therapy that has experience with trauma recovery. The specific practices that have helped me the most are EMDR and somatic practices. My therapist has also helped me set boundaries with family, exit toxic relationships, resolve interpersonal conflict, be a better step-parent, have more confidence, and make better choices. 

Check your company's EAP program. They may have free sessions and pair you with therapists that meet your needs in your area that also accept your insurance. If you don't "click" with your therapist, that is normal. Keep visiting other therapists until you find someone that makes you comfortable. 

My therapist had a water fountain in her office that was so soothing to me. This one is from Home Depot.