Authenticity
Ah authenticity. Another nebulous word, just like “alignment.” What does it mean? For me, authenticity is living according to my values. I feel authentic when my behavior matches my beliefs. I pursue authenticity by doing the right thing or the thing that is best in the long run, even when it is not easy or comfortable. I want to be brave and move through discomfort to achieve my goals and live the life I want.
That sounds nice, but what even are my values? How do I know? Good questions. I have done a couple exercises to determine my values. First, pick three words that describe you now, and three words that describe who you want to be. I did this exercise at a particularly low point in my life. About 2 years after my dad died and I got a divorce, I was living with my mom, and I was fired from my job. My therapist recommended this activity to help uncover what I wanted and who I wanted to be. Brene Brown released this list of potential values, or you can Google “list of values.” In doing this exercise again, I find my values for this time of my life have morphed to: Leadership, Honesty, and Well-Being. What are your top three?
Another way to work on this is to pick 10 to 20 of these words and rank them. Compare the results with your spouse or partner. What is similar? What is different? You can use a card deck like this one. Talk about these with your kids. What behaviors demonstrate these values? Point them out in your family and recognize each other for living according to your values. When making a major decision, think about the consequences, and if they align with your values.
Here are all the values I considered for my top choices (unranked): Freedom, Ambition, Competence, Confidence, Connection, Curiosity, Justice, Initiative, Independence, Honesty, Growth, Gratitude, Generosity, Financial Stability, Knowledge, Leadership, Openness, Resourcefulness, Well-being, Spirituality, Self-Respect
Reflection: Look at your life and think about where you see your values show up. Where do you see things happening that are against your values? How does that make you feel? What actions can you take in alignment with your values? What actions are you currently taking that are not aligned with your values?
If you’re interested in a book recommendation on authenticity, I recommend The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck if you want to read a moving story about living your truth.
